In my last post I talked about situations that made me feel insecure. I want to list out some insecurities that I have that you might be able to relate to and how to work on overcoming them.
Side note: I’m not trying to victimize myself, this is just my perspective. I try to see the other side, but sometimes I can’t.
Keep in mind, I’m sure I’ll forget some of them.
- I’m not good enough for anyone – why don’t people reach out?
- I’m annoying – Is that why my friends don’t stick around?
- I’m negative – I can be very negative and I hate it.
- I look like a boy – thanks to everyone who told me this or I wouldn’t think it.
- I’ve got a big nose – I hate my side profile.
- I’m not pretty – a long time insecurity.
- I’m not in-shape – I work out but I’m not a skinny girl with a toned stomach.
- My legs are short and my waist is long, it makes me look weird.
- I’m not smart – because my memory isn’t the best and I always felt like my siblings were much smarter than I was.
- I’m a shitty girlfriend – I allow my OCD and anxiety take control where all I focus on is what didn’t get cleaned or habits I have that he doesn’t or I get so consumed in my own thoughts I forget to check in on him.
- I think I smell – I talked about this in my OCD blog.
- I don’t look good in outfits that other girls look good in.
I’m going to address some of these today, and some later. I’ll tell you how I try to overcome them. Keep in mind, I have days where I feel like a queen and then I have days where I feel like scum. Lets dive in.
I’m not good enough for anyone. I had this belief for a while, but I would push it down as far as I could. If you read my last blog, you know that my senior year was hard. I lost a lot of friends, but at the same time, I gained a lot of friends. That messed with my head because the friends I gained I appreciated, but I wondered if it was just as temporary as the last friends were. I recently went through some notes in my phone from summer a couple of years ago and I had so many notes wondering why my old friends didn’t care about me enough to reach out but they still talked to each other. Why wasn’t I good enough to be in their group chat? It got to a point where I eventually confronted them. Nothing really came from it. I told them how I felt, and that’s all. If they cared even a little, they would’ve tried. Any one of them, but NONE of them did. I stopped caring so much about what they thought. I’m a good person with a big heart, I have a wonderful boyfriend and we have three dogs together. I realized maybe it was the universe saying that they aren’t meant for me. I’m going a different direction than they are. They’re smoking weed, day partying, staying up till 5 am and sleeping until 3 pm. THAT’S TOTALLY FINE. No judgement here. But I was settling down with someone, taking care of my dogs, taking care of my dad, whos heart stopped and he had to go through multiple surgeries. So, I was in a very different spot in my life than they were. I eventually just completely let it go. After I confronted them that was all I needed to let it go. I just feel like I had who I was meant to have in my life and questioning it wasn’t good for me. I appreciate my circle, they accept me for all that I am. I do want to point out, that I was very depressed in high-school. I remember my friends invited me to Chic-fil-A and I said “No I don’t eat fast food, but thanks.” Or something like that. I hadn’t eaten fast food for years at that point so I didn’t want to have an upset stomach, but I could’ve gone for the ride. For the rest of the class period I felt like an asshole. So, maybe I was giving off the wrong energy. But, I felt like there was a point where they stopped trying to get to know me, and I feel like that’s when I reacted. They all had their bad moments, was I not allowed to as well? I don’t know. Either way, I confronted my feelings and it gave me closure. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting a little or confuse me, but it’s a work in progress. I focus on not questioning it. I shut down the negative thoughts as fast as I can.
Tip #1: Try to train yourself to shut down the negative thoughts as fast as you notice them. They don’t bring any good.
Tip #2: Confront your insecurities.
I’m annoying. I wish I still had that energy to be goofy that I had when I was little. I was such a goof. Even when I was in high-school, I acted silly, but only around my mom and sister. That was when we all lived in the same house. It was fun. I’m a different kind of goofy around different people. But at some point I shut it down and I haven’t been able to open it up since my mom moved out of the house and my sister moved before that. It’s NOT their fault. But they responded so well to me being goofy, it was so fun. I think I stopped joking around with friends, except one, in middle-school, because she was just as silly. I think it started when my neighborhood friends closed me out. I definitely don’t hold it against them. Kids can be mean, it is what it is. It’s definitely awkward when I see them in public, though. I’m also not sure I can blame them, because maybe I was just growing up. We tend to care about what people think as we get older, and maybe that’s why I shut down. But to this day, I wonder why I can’t be goofy. Maybe my personality changed. I still make jokes and have so much fun with Soren and my dad. But I don’t sing and dance like a fool. I’m not even the same around my mom or my sister. I feel so far away from everyone else. I told my best friend that I don’t know why shes friends with me because I can be so boring. I always wish I was more fun and didn’t care what others thought. I used to have that energy and I always think I crawled back into my shell because I thought I was annoying. I don’t currently think I’m annoying UNTIL I’m around a group of my siblings. When it’s one sibling, I’m fine. But if it’s a family gathering, I couldn’t hate myself more. I don’t know. I think it’s because I’m the youngest by six years that I just want their approval and attention but it’s hard to get anyone’s attention when I don’t have the same sense of humor as them. I get their jokes, but I can’t make them. They all went through hell together, while I went alone. They were all moved out by the time I started to go through things.
This insecurity is one I don’t know about. I don’t necessarily think anyone caused it, I think I just got older and started caring what people think. But I can’t bring it out around my family like I used to, and that’s what bothers me. I convince myself I’m annoying.
My tip for this was a tip my therapist gave me.
Tip #3: Write down negative thoughts about yourself, and write why you think that, and you’ll see that it really doesn’t make sense. Or…something like that. It was years ago, I truly don’t remember!
I’m negative. This is kind of ironic because a lot of my current friends say “You’re so positive now!” And I can see a change in myself. But you guys, becoming a positive person took years and it’s still a work in progress. To be honest, my entire family, sorry guys, I’m calling you all out, my siblings and my parents. You know, the ones I was surrounded by the most? They’re all negative. Maybe not so much anymore, but they were. When you grow up in a negative environment, no one teaches you that it’s unhealthy. You just think it’s normal to complain. Or at least I did! I remember my sister-in-law asked how school was, and if you know me, you know I hated high-school. So I was negative about it. My brother told me I was so negative, and it bothered me. Not that he said it, but that it was true. And then I played lacrosse which gave me constant anxiety because I disliked it so much but my friends said they won’t quit something they started which is the WORST thing I have ever heard. I’m sorry, but if it doesn’t bring you joy, why would you do it? I definitely should have quit, but I didn’t because my whole lunch table played lacrosse and would definitely give me shit for it that I didn’t want to hear. I became so negative and always complaining about it. I was stressed. I still can be negative. I’ve grown, I am better at catching negative thoughts and turning them around. But, sometimes, even if I don’t say them, I feel them. But, I’m getting better. Here’s how:
Tip #4: Catch the thoughts. You’ll get better at it the more you do it. Have someone point out to you when you’re being negative. That helped me correct myself.
Tip #5: Gratitude journal. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this, but I use my Start Today journal. I used to use any notebook, which is totally fine. I would write things I’m thankful for like my health, my pups, Soren, my family, you know, things that are kind of like “DUH.” I started getting more specific, things that happened in the last 24 hours, like Rachel Hollis said. So here’s an example of one of my entries:
- Dunkin’ Iced coffee that Dad bought me
- Double walks yesterday with Dad, Soren, and the dogs.
- Helping my brother clean his garage, it was fun.
- Soren making me grilled cheese and tomato soup.
- My cardio+abs workout.
You might write that you’re thankful for the cozy blanket on your lap, or a hot cup of tea, a good dinner, the sunshine today, or the rain today, but it needs to apply to something that happened in the last 24 hours. I do this in the morning. I love it.
I look like a boy. As I have gotten older, I really don’t see it. I think that I have a uniqueness to me. Like everyone does. Everyone has unique features. Different people are attracted to different things. Sorry, I’m not Kendall Jenner, but not everyone thinks she’s perfect. Everyone has their taste. Who my best friend might be attracted to, I’m most definitely not. If she reads this, she’ll laugh. Not everyone is going to like my features but I rather be a nice person than good enough for you. If you’re going to say I look like a boy, that’s fine. But check your personality because looks won’t get you far if your personality can’t keep up.
Maybe that was harsh, but we need to not be so consumed by how we look! We’re all unique. You can’t change how you look, well, you can, I guess. I can’t afford to. I do still pick myself apart but I do not think I look like a boy. Even if I did, I’m loved. What else could I ask for? I have a great guy, great friends, and a cool family.
Tip #6: Stop listening to mean people. Don’t let them control your thoughts. Practice a mantra in your head every day. Write it on your mirror. Set reminders in your phone with the mantra. You are beautiful. How dare anyone tell you otherwise? Why spend your life so obsessed with what other people say about you? Look at the beauty within yourself, because believe it or not, it’s there.
This was in no way to victimize myself. I told my story because I’m sure there are people out there with similar insecurities and I want them you know they’re not alone. I’m just trying to be real.
Come back Monday for a part 2.
As always, please like, follow, comment, whatever, and don’t forget, you’re great, you’re beautiful, and you’re loved. I want this to be a safe place for you and I.