I’m not good enough for anyone – why don’t people reach out? I’m annoying – Is that why my friends don’t stick around? I’m negative – I can be very negative and I hate it. I look like a boy – thanks to everyone who told me this or I wouldn’t think it. I’ve got a big nose – I hate my side profile. I’m not pretty – a long time insecurity. I’m not in-shape – I work out but I’m not a skinny girl with a toned stomach. My legs are short and my waist is long, it makes me look weird. I’m not smart – because my memory isn’t the best and I always felt like my siblings were much smarter than I was.
- I’m a shitty girlfriend – I allow my OCD and anxiety take control where all I focus on is what didn’t get cleaned or habits I have that he doesn’t or I get so consumed in my own thoughts I forget to check in on him.
- I think I smell – I talked about this in my OCD blog.
- I don’t look good in outfits that other girls look good in.
- I have a big forehead – not always an insecurity, but if I we’re talking insecurities, I may as well post it.
Welcome to the last part to this series – for now! I’m sure as life goes on, I’ll get over insecurities and develop new ones. My goal is to be as honest and real as I can with you all. Lets dive right in to one of my most draining insecurities.
I’m a shitty girlfriend. I don’t always believe this, but when I do, it sucks. In fact, I feel like when I get down about my ability to be a good girlfriend, I become the girlfriend that I think I’m being. If that doesn’t make sense, when I feel like a shitty girlfriend, I act like a shitty girlfriend. The reason I feel like a shitty girlfriend sometimes is because Soren is easily the most caring person I have ever met. I know he loves me more than anything, and he shows it. My well-being is his number one priority. So, when I get consumed in my own thoughts and my own habits and I forget to check in on his well-being, I feel like I fail him. Also, I have OCD, if you didn’t know. When he doesn’t clean like I clean, I tend to be hard on him about it. I forget that not everyone thinks to clean like I do. I think it’s normal for people to get down on themselves. If you feel like a shitty significant other, just talk to them about it. Communication is what helps me through when I’m doubting myself, but also being aware of when I’m being ridiculous and calling myself on it. I’ve learned to be more gentle with my approach and a lot more understanding. We’re not perfect, but we can always work on being better versions of ourselves.
I think I smell. I truly believe this is part of my OCD. It’s not so much an insecurity anymore, but it was a very real thing all through middle school and high school. I was ALWAYS uncomfortable. That’s really all I can say. You probably don’t stink, by the way.
I don’t look good in outfits that other girls look good in. Body image. As I got older, I realized that we don’t all need to be skinny. I’ve always been thin, but when I got into a relationship with Soren I definitely got thicker. It’s so important to recognize that everyone has different bodies. Also, like I said in my previous blog post when I was talking about my body shape, chances are, things that you adore about a girl, she might hate about herself. It’s important to celebrate your body. I may not have abs that show, but I still embrace all that I am. I highly encourage you to follow Mik Zazon on Tik Tok and Instagram. I’ll link her account below this paragraph. She talks about eating disorders, statistics, and embraces her healthy body. Our bodies are capable of so much, so I encourage you to work on appreciating what you can do and what you are. Do what makes you feel good. Other than that, this is a very touchy subject that I could go on and on about but I don’t want to say the wrong thing. Love yourself, that’s all I can really say. I can spend all day wishing I looked like another girl or I wish I could pull off that outfit, or I can stop wasting my time worrying about what I look like compared to her and wear the damn outfit because I’m gonna rock it. You are your own worst critic. Remember that. What you see, a lot of us don’t see.
Mik Zazon: https://www.instagram.com/mikzazon/
I don’t have much to say about my forehead. I feel like I would be repeating what I have said about my nose and my body.
I hope that me opening up about my insecurities can some how help you. I hope you know that there is no such thing as a perfect human being but individually we are perfectly ourselves. I wish more people could embrace themselves and love themselves fully and unapologetically. I don’t know how to tell you to begin the journey to self love. I could probably talk about it for hours, but everyone’s journey is different. I can’t tell you how to get there when I have days where I still don’t love who I am and what I look like. My boyfriend helps me when I’m down, but just because he says I’m pretty or smart, or whatever, doesn’t mean I believe him. Even before we were together, I had days where I felt like a goddess and days where I couldn’t stand myself. We are temples. We are gardens. We need to water ourselves, nourish ourselves, build ourselves up and not rely on others to do it for us.
“Our bodies are our gardens, to the which our wills are gardeners” – William Shakespeare
If you want me to touch more on my journey to self love, I would love to share it. But my journey WILL be different than your journey. That doesn’t mean you can’t do what I do, but you will come across your own motivations and inspirations. I am still on the path to self-love. I do not love myself every day, but that’s okay. We are beautifully flawed.