I have a feeling this won’t be the most popular blog, but I feel like I need to get this message out there. I write what’s on my mind and in my heart in the moment.
Yes, I have childhood trauma. I still have anger towards my parents. I feel like it’s easy to read about my parents and assume that they weren’t good people. But it’s more therapeutic for me to type about the hurt rather than type about the good. I love to talk about the good, not type about it. But this time I’ll try something different.
I heard a TikTok about a month ago where the guy mentioned that our parents have their own trauma. I am learning more and more about how trauma presents itself in ways we might not realize. That doesn’t give anyone an excuse, but it allowed me to understand my parents better.
This post is to my mom.
My mom is such a beautiful human being. I told her about the post I made a couple of weeks ago where I talked about growing up. I just wanted to let her know what I posted. She supported me and will support me through the whole healing process.
She’s crafty as hell, and makes some damn good bread. However, she truly is her own worst critic. It’s time someone told her how great she is. My sister and I joke about how she’s our puppy. We feel so protective of her because my mom would never intentionally cause harm. She had her own demons she was fighting.
I remember when I was in third grade she let me sleep in her bed for a full year because I was scared of my room. She would give the best neck, back, and head tickles without us even asking. You just had to lie down on the couch near her. Sorry to my amazing boyfriend, but his tickles don’t quite match up.
My mom packed the BEST lunches. Even when I had my first job, if I couldn’t find food for lunch before work, she would bring me this big paper bag full of all these goodies. It was my favorite.
She knew my sister and I liked pumpkin so she would grab us pumpkin flavored stuff from the store if she saw something that looked good.
My mom is the person who throws out some quick zingers but also the type to be goofy. You can get some pretty good laughs when you’re around her. She’s incredibly understanding and wise. I always think my sister has amazing perspectives on people and life, I would say my mom does, too.
My mom is hard on herself, that’s probably where I get it from. It’s a blessing and a curse. It’s good to better yourself, but it’s hard because sometimes we’re so hard on ourselves we hold ourselves back. I hope she knows that we, as in my siblings and I, don’t remember just bad. We’re all adults now and it’s time we handle our mental illnesses. We know she’s sorry, we know if she could change how we grew up that she would. But she is the one we would all go to if we had our hearts broken because there’s an undeniable love that we can feel from our mom.
Mom, I adore you and I’m proud you’re my mom.
That’s my blog for today. I’m sorry if it’s not what you guys were looking for. If I don’t get my thoughts out, it’s hard for me to think of something else to post. I’ll be posting at least one more time before Christmas!
By the way: my dad doesn’t have any type of social media, but one day I’ll make a post about him. He’s just such a character, it’s gonna be an interesting blog. I’m his mini-me, it’s a little bit scary for me!
Follow my Instagram @teawithellib!